I imagine my childhood was not much different from most. There were times I felt confused about who I was and where I fit into the family unit. I was the youngest in a household of four boys, no girls. By the time I came along my parents were going through a separation which ultimately led to divorce. It was a common occurrence for the mother to be left holding the proverbial bag. It was tough for a woman who was most likely still struggling with her own inner child issues. Therefore, as I look back on some things that were done or said, I have greater empathy now than I did at say maybe age five. I remember my mother telling me something when I was about five or six that left me feeling incredibly confused. She was tired of boys by the time I was born I guess. When she told me this, I’m not sure whether she was drunk or sober. I think all of my aunts and uncles, including my mother, were alcoholics. At any rate, she sat me down one day and decided to tell me how she reacted the day of my birth. Back then, they were unable to tell the parents beforehand whether the child would be a boy or a girl. She had her heart set on a girl, understandably. So after I don’t know how many hours of labor, I assume she must have been so sedated, she fell asleep. When she woke up she asked if she could see her baby. As the nurse brought me in, before entering the room she asked, and I quote, “what is it”? Of course, they said, “It’s a boy”. According to my mother, her response was, “take it back, I don’t want it…I wanted a girl”. Upon hearing these words, even at such a young age, I felt like a mistake. On the other hand, how could I possibly be a mistake, I was there.
As Dr. Seamands has said previously, the parent-child relationship is the most important relationship we will ever have. It sets the stage for all future interactions. When we come into this world, we don’t come with a high or low self-esteem. The way we view our role in this sin-sick world is inherited from the environment we find ourselves in when we enter it. I know people who say that as long as they can remember, they’ve been a Christian. Surely this should have a positive effect on their attitude toward the world around them. However, they can often be naive when faced with the harsh reality of life, maybe even a little spoiled. But most of them were protected through Godly love and prayer. They also had a better opportunity to stay in school and get a good education.
Then we have the child raised up in a religious household. This is where things can get tricky. You see some churches think that Christianity is just another religion; some honestly don’t know the difference. Religion is mostly about rules and regulations. Legalism is another term used to describe religion. Kids who are raised in that type of environment will usually grow up being rebellious or judgmental; one extreme or the other.
1st Tim. 2: 5 “For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, THE MAN CHRIST JESUS, 6 who gave HIMSELF a ransom for all, to be testified in due time,” You see religion is not our mediator, THE MAN CHRIST JESUS is. Religion did not spill its blood and ransom us. THE MAN CHRIST JESUS HIMSELF did that. Don’t ever confuse The LORD Jesus Christ with religion, He is not.
It doesn’t really matter what the parent-child relationship was like, good, bad, or indifferent. That foundation will follow them into adulthood. Remember, the inner child will remain hidden until they feel most comfortable. You’ve probably heard at some point in your life when you get married we bring our own baggage into that relationship. Dr. Seamands says “There are two adults, and there are two children of the past. It’s perfectly alright as long as the adults are running things. But home is where we relax, where we let ourselves go and become again those little children of the past”. It’s not long until either the husband or the wife will get comfortable and the little tikes will start running the show. When all four make themselves know in the home, that’s when all hell breaks loose.
So once again, if that family unit is to be salvaged, “katargeō” must take place. The adult must be able to identify within themselves the hidden child from the past and deprive him/her of the power and influence we’ve unwittingly allowed them to have.
1st Corinthians 13 “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away (katargeō) childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” To be continued…